A Partridge in a Pear Tree
by Mr Obscenity
Summary: The zero boys' search for the meaning of Christmas. You should definitely read this. Yes. You.


"_And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone around them and they were terrified. But the angel said to them_-"

"I'm fucking starving."

Soubi looked up from his reading just in time to see Natsuo shut his mouth.

"Yeah. Me too. I hate this Christmas bullshit." Yoji made a grab for the Bible Soubi was reading out of, but Soubi was faster. He held it behind his back and out of the boy's reach.

"What the hell, Soubi? Presents. Christmas is about presents. Not some Jesus baby."

"Yeah. Where'd they come up with a name like that anyway? _Jesus_. It sounds like a bad Mexican sandwich." Yoji made a sour face.

Soubi's cool, concise tone cut short the boys' rampage. "Jesus: derived from the Hebrew name Yeshua, meaning Savior."

The zero twins sat there in perfect silence for a moment, something that didn't happen very often.

Kyo could see it coming. He counted off silently in his head. _3… 2… 1…_

Just on time, the two boys erupted into a fit of laughter.

Kyo rolled his eyes. _Blast off. _

Natsuo clutched his sides as tremendous guffaws racked his body. "Soubi, you totally just pulled that out of your ass, didn't you?"

Yoji was quick to jump in. "No, I think he's serious, Natsuo. Soubi, where the hell do you get all of this useless information anyway?"

The two continued laughing.

"Hey, Soubi, what's the capitol of Indonesia?"

"Hey, Soubi, why's the sky blue?"

Yoji's eyes took on almost an unnatural gleam as he continued, "Hey, Soubi, why do you fuck around with minors?"

At this point, the two twins were all but rolling around on the floor in laughter.

Kyo sighed. "Well, you two sure know how to spoil an evening."

"Shut up, Kyo," Yoji stopped laughing long enough to snort at Kyo. "We know how to spoil more than that."

"Yeah, Kyo," Natsuo continued, "I wouldn't sleep over here any time soon."

"Yeah. You never know when those big rats are going to come back."

A look of pure bewilderment wiped itself across poor Kyo's face.

"Remember?" Yoji eyes practically glowed now, the gleam in them was so bright. "How many earrings was it they stole from you while you were sleeping again? Three?"

Natsuo laughed. "Four."

"Four." Yoji sent his partner a mischievous smirk before continuing on. "Those rats must be living under Natsuo's bed. Because I think I spotted a few of your stolen chupas under there the other day as well…"

"Why you little-" Kyo started, but it was no use. The zero boys were busy tackling each other on the floor, a constant stream of laughter and curse words coming from both of the boy's mouths.

"Natsuo. Yoji." Soubi's voice warned.

Natsuo pushed Yoji off of him. "Aw Soubi. You're no fun."

"Yeah, I had just gotten Natsuo pinned too." Yoji whined.

The two boys trudged back to where everyone sat and plunked down next to the tree.

"How about we read this book next Soubi?" Ritsuka handed Soubi a copy of _Rudoplh the Red-nosed Reindeer. _

Yoji made a gagging sound.

Soubi ignored Yoji and tenderly took the book from Ritsuka and placed the Bible aside. Clearing his throat, he opened to the first page. "_Once upon a time there was a red-nosed reindeer named Rudolph-" _

Soubi's voice was cut off by a thumping sound. _Thump. Thump. Thump. _Soubi looked up to find Yoji shaking a present from under the tree.

"Kyo it sounds like you'll be getting a new dildo from Soubi this year."

Natsuo let out a short laugh, but everyone else remained silent.

Kyo made a mental note to spike the twin's eggnog with cat tranquilizer.

Finally Soubi went back to his reading. "_All the other reindeer would make fun of Rudolph's red nose and wouldn't let him join in any of the reindeer games-"_

Natsuo snorted. "What a loser."

"Yeah, what a freak." agreed Yoji. "I don't blame the other reindeer at all."

Natsuo laughed. "I know. That's why I love you."

Yoji cocked his eyebrow at his partner.

Natsuo's playful grin was all the answer he needed.

Yoji stood up abruptly. "Alright everyone. Natsuo and I are going to bed now. Good night."

They were halfway out of the room when Kyo asked, "Isn't it a bit early to go to bed?"

"Isn't it about time you started setting those rat traps?" Natsuo retorted.

"Sleep tight, Kyo. Don't let the bed bugs bite." Yoji yelled back at him without bothering to turn around. Even without seeing his face, Kyo could vividly imagine the impish grin spreading itself across the boy's face.

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Yoji shut the door, a triumphant grin unraveling itself on his face. "Finally. I've got you all to myself."

"It's about time, Yoji. Another second of having to hear about Rudolph the fucking Rednosed Reindeer and I would've been turned off for good."

Yoji laughed as he twirled a strand of his partner's auburn hair around his finger. "Speaking of fucking…"

A devilish grin came over Natsuo's face as he wrapped his arms around his partner's neck and their lips met.

"Just tell me one thing." Natsuo spoke between kisses.

Yoji made his way down his partner's neck. "What's that?"

"If I had a red nose would you still love me?"

Yoji brought his face back up to Natsuo's and stared him deep into his eyes for a long moment. Then he smiled. "No."

They moved together, laughing, a tangle of arms and limbs, finally collapsing onto Natsuo's bed.

"_Neither would I._"


End file.
